Experiencing Transition
Throughout our lives, we experience moments of transition that we do not consider a life cycle event such as graduating, changing jobs and moving into a new home. Sometimes these transitions are predictable whereas at other times, we have no opportunity to prepare for them. As a result, these transitional moments fall to the wayside, leaving us little time to process the physical and emotional changes we may be experiencing. As many of us know, transitions often incite complex and mixed emotions like excitement, ambition and joy, and simultaneously fear, self doubt and loss.
Processing how we feel in the present can grant us greater awareness of what we envision in our future and help us ready ourselves for next steps. Judaism acknowledges that transition can be difficult and provides us with various rituals that name our transitions and give us intentional time to acknowledge what we are losing as well as what we are gaining. Having these rituals is a vital way to help us stay mindful and more stable during transitional moments that as we know, can be incredibly unnerving. We offer two lenses through which to view transition according to Jewish tradition. Since each person is unique, so too is their method of honoring change and preparing themselves for what is to come.
Experiencing transition through…
The Havdalah Ritual
1. What is Havdalah?
Havdalah comes from the Hebrew word l’havdeel, meaning to separate or to distinguish. We perform Havdalah in order to symbolize the end of shabbat and the beginning of a new week. Havdalah not only marks this time, but it also creates time by giving us the space to move from one experience onto the next. The Havdalah ritual involves a number of actions and blessings that help us move from one stage of life onto the next.
2. How might the Havdalah ritual help with my transition?
Like other rituals, Havdalah gifts us the opportunity to process what we are losing and then gaining.
Smelling Spices. One aspect of Havdalah is the smelling of spices, which usually include cloves and cinnamon. These spices are used to calm the soul, thereby acknowledging the difficult loss of the Shabbat. Simultaneously, the smell of sweetness represents the delight that we hope to encounter during the week. Smell is closely linked with memory and emotion. Smelling something can help you remember and honor what you are losing, relax you during a stressful period, and excite you about your future.
Lighting and Extinguishing Candles. Another feature of the Havdalah ritual is lighting and extinguishing a candle that must have multiple wicks. We light the candle, welcoming our next stage of life, and extinguish it to commemorate the loss of our Shabbat. The intertwined wicks demonstrate that in each stage of life, we do not walk through the world alone. Our transitions often involve a complex web of people and institutions as well as emotions, which we can appreciate with the visual of a Havdalah candle. Lighting and extinguishing the candle can also help you honor what is being lost and the light that is being gained. This action can also grant you something to control during a transitional time in which most things may feel out of your control.
3. What do i do?
Smell something that inspires a memory and/or something that pleases your spirit. After smelling the item (s), recite:
Blessed are You, Adonai our God, Spirit of the universe, Creator of many kinds of spices.
Light a candle and spend some time with it lit. Think or journal about what you are gaining and losing. Extinguish the candle and recite:
Blessed are You, Adonai our God, Spirit of the universe, Creator of the fire’s light.
The Mikveh
1. What is a mikveh?
A mikveh is a ritual bath in which one immerses their body for the purpose of physical and/or emotional purification. In the Jewish tradition, people often go to a mikveh during moments of transition such as before a marriage, for conversion or to mark the Shabbat. The mikveh consists of “living” water that comes from either an ocean, lake or rain.
2. How might the mikveh ritual help with my transition?
This mikveh water sustains us as it guides us from one period of life and cleanses us so that we may be ready for the next stage of our journey. Immersing yourself in a mikveh or preferably in a body of living water, but also perhaps your bathtub, can remind you that just as water flows, so too will your life flow beyond this moment of instability and maybe, trepidation. Immersing yourself also gives you the opportunity to actively mark the space of your transition. When you enter the water you are one person, and when you leave the water, perhaps you are, in some way, different. Psychologically, the sounds of water can relax and the mind and physically, the water can ease muscle tension that is likely to increase during moments of stress.
3. What do i do?
Traditional Option:
Coordinate a time to schedule an appointment at a mikveh or enter a body of living water
Privately prepare at the mikveh by removing jewelry, nail polish, makeup, etc.
Immerse in the mikveh with a guide, privately or with family or friends
Dunk three times and recite:
Blessed are You, Adonai, Spirit of the Universe, Who has sanctified us with mitzvot and commanded us concerning immersion.
Blessed are You, Source of all Life, Who has kept us alive and sustained us, and enabled us to reach this day.
Where can I enter a mikveh?
NYC: http://www.immersenyc.org
For booking an appointment: http://www.immersenyc.org/mikveh
Boston: https://www.mayyimhayyim.org
Alternative Option:
Carve out time in your schedule for a bath
Create a pleasant space in your bathroom. Maybe you light candles in order to add the sensory elements from the Havdalah ritual
Immerse yourself in your bathtub
Either journal and/or contemplate this moment, perhaps over a glass of wine and/or recite:
Blessed are You, Adonai, Spirit of the Universe, Who has sanctified us with mitzvot and commanded us concerning immersion.
Blessed are You, Source of all Life, Who has kept us alive and sustained us, and enabled us to reach this day.
More resources on mikvehs:
Additional resources for gender transitions: